I’ve been interested in BDSM for much longer than I’ve known the initials or what they stood for. I was also a late bloomer, sexually speaking. When I discovered BDSM romance books, it seemed like I had found my home. I hadn’t dated in many years and never someone into kink.
On Goodreads, I made a friend who was in a D/s relationship, and we started chatting about the various levels of realism in the books and that opened the door to our personal lives. She was very encouraging about the possibilities of my finding someone for a relationship, long drought notwithstanding. After consultation with her husband/Dom, she offered his services long distance to help me see if I really wanted a D/s relationship. (As you might guess by this time, my friend and I became writing partners, and Karen Nappa was born out of this relationship, too.)
I communicated with her Master on Kik and we discussed which aspects of my life I thought would benefit from having a Dom, and we started our relationship. He first helped me develop a schedule of my days and the various tasks that need to be done and when they need doing. I have trouble keeping up with housekeeping tasks and also need to get more exercise so we focused on those aspects of my life. I text him when I first get up in the morning and then at various times, giving him a running account of my day. Most days I hear back from him at least once, especially early in the relationship. Other days, I know he’s busy and don’t necessarily get much feedback. That was hard in the beginning, but is easier now. I was very dependent on him in the beginning, wanting to please him in every way I could. I’ve become more independent about things after a year and a half. Also, I’ve since met a local man with whom I’m developing a relationship. He’s not the same type of Dom, but that’s okay, too.
The two most important factors that make or break a long-distance relationship like this are honesty and trust. I must be honest with myself and my Master about what I’m doing, whether I’m meeting my obligations according to the schedule or not. Master has to trust I’m being honest. In the beginning, he would ask for photographs of things I would see on my morning walks, or of an area I had cleaned in my apartment. These days, he trusts I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, although we have had to make changes in the schedule for a variety of reasons. I think I’ve really benefited from having a “long-distance Dom” as a way of trying out a D/s relationship. I don’t know if it’s for every submissive, but it has worked out well for me.